Radical Love When I Don't Want To

Hello loves, 

The past week has felt luscious, romantic, grounded, and nourishing as I’ve been stepping into a whole new level of radical self-love. My relationships are light, easy, and life-affirming, even in moments of conflict. My connection to the transcendent energetic field of love has been visceral, as if a loving intelligence is unfolding the path before me as I step out upon it.

And I’m watching headlines and stories come through the news. So much that feels at odds with my intention of Radical Love.

Radical Love gives life, doesn’t take it away. In Radical Love, even death is life-giving because it nourishes life through decay.

Radical Love serves individual AND collective interests, so that all parties can find a way to win.

Radical Love exists within each of us and we are personally responsible for sourcing it, even in the face of disagreement, attack, and critique.

So how can I meet this moment with Radical Love, when it feels lacking in the world around me?

First, I acknowledge myself for being willing to look. These are uncomfortable circumstances I can choose to avoid or I can choose to face. The practice of Radical Love only exists in the discomfort of facing what makes me uncomfortable. When I confine the practice to where it is easy, I am undermining the entire context of Radical Love, which is holistic, collective, and absolute. 

This moment is perfectly designed for me. My job is to figure out how!

I only have power in the domains in which I have authority. The only domain over which I have true authority is the domain of self. 

When I limit my definition of self to my individuality, that power remains contained and small. But when I define myself as others, world, and cosmos, my SELF expands and so does my domain of authority. This is authentic power, coming from within and radiating out.

Here, my path forward begins to become clear. The separation I experience “out there” is simply a reflection of where I hold the context of separation within myself. The separation that exists in unloved parts of me that I abandon, judge, or pretend not to know about.

I can only meet others at the level I have met myself. It goes back to our workshop on Spiral Dynamics and the levels of consciousness. My context shapes my reality and itself is shaped by what I am aware of. Being willing to create space for more truth is what expands our awareness of the complexity of reality. When I have access to that, I can meet people right where they are, and invite them into a new possibility of what living from Radical Love can be like for them. 

I don’t have to fight, judge, or make anyone wrong. I just get to BE love and inspire others into a new possibility. 

Ego says, “BUT!! [insert REASONS!!] [insert FEAR!!]” It wants to justify maintaining the illusion of separation. It wants to stay attached to being right about how wrong it all is. It wants to control the outcome and look really smart and good in the process. 

Which is pretty much what I’m seeing out there, in the world, in the places where I feel like love is lacking. What I am learning is that if I can perceive it, it exists inside of me. If I can perceive judgment, scarcity, and loneliness out there, it’s because I have that reality living inside of me. But the same is true for love, joy, gratitude, and all the yummy things. I can choose what to nurture and lean into.

This is slow work. This is spiritual, heart-centered work. There is no step-by-step action plan that, honestly, my ego would really love to have right about now. I don’t have this figured out. So instead of focusing on what I don’t know, I’m focusing on what I do know, and using that to radiate out in my expansive definition of self into all domains of my power — self, others, world, cosmos.

What I know:

• Intention is everything. When I stay connected to my intention instead of attached to what an outcome looks like, my intention has space to grow.

• My power exists inside of me and radiates out, as far as I am willing to define my SELF.

• Ego is illusion. Anywhere I feel fear is simply my ego trying to keep the status quo to avoid pain. But it also limits me in the flow of love. 

• Radical Love is only possible in communion with others. It is holistic and collective, not individual. We need each other in order to grow it and in it. Living my intention of Radical Love includes those I feel separate from.

The deeper I connect to my intention of Radical Love, the more I experience it around me. The bigger I define myself, the greater my power in others, world and cosmos.

This is the walk I get to walk today. 

What about you? Where are you bumping up against fear and ego? How can we support you?

With love, 

Sarah